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Makkana fellow space barbarians!
Colossus is almost here! Well, the beta test is, anyway.
Crypt Shyfter: Colossus artwork by @darkdarren
We have firmly planet our feet on Fuzonia, an alien world 30-trillion light years away, and we'll likely be spending most of our time in future games exploring weird planets and bizarre worlds inhabited by strange and deadly monsters. Sword & sorcery is fun, but sword & planet is divine! (Do you hear that? It's a celestial chorus. They started singing when I said divine. Okay now they stopped. You missed it. Keep your ears open in case they do it again).
Colossus will be my 8th Crypt Shyfter adventure and I'm excited to share it with you! I feel like Exile was a massive turning point for the series; when historians and scholars look back on the evolution of Crypt Shyfter 10 or 20 years from now (you know, when it's a gigantic mega-franchise complete with movies and toys and comic book tie-ins) they'll point to Exile and say “THIS is where it all changed. This is the point where Crypt Shyfter figured out what it was meant to be.”
Crypt Shyfter: Exile artwork by hankerin ferinale
I've learned a hell of a lot over the past few months, and my games have changed significantly based on your awesome feedback. I say 'games' but I don't think that's the best word for them. I like “adventures” better. The series veered away from 'game' territory around Mon Magma. After that point I ditched the clunky dice rolling and statistics and began to focus more on storytelling.
I know there's a pretty big dichotomy in readership here- based on the feedback I've received over the past few months it seems like half of you are most interested in game mechanics and challenging puzzles while the other half is more interested in immersive storytelling and fun characters to interact with. I happen to fall in group #2 myself.
I had no idea what the hell I was doing when I made the first game, but I think I'm getting the hang of it now. I feel like I've begun to develop my own style, and I hope to improve that over time.
Crypt Shyfter: Abandoned Universe artwork by @mismash
I won't be including stats or dice rolling in future games because now that I've written 8 of these monsters I realize I absolutely hate doing that. Tedious programming and writing dozens of outcomes based on random dice rolls is extremely boring for me, and I think I'd rather stab unsharpened pencils into my eyes than sit here and force myself to do that shit again.
But I do absolutely love telling stories and making you feel like complete and total badasses, so future games will be similar to Dreadnaughts and Exile. Not a bad thing, in my opinion, considering those are my two favorite games in the series.
That's the kind of shit that turns my dials up to 11 and gets me so excited to wake up the next morning that I can't sleep all night. Plotting, connecting unrelated dots, devising new and interesting characters and making up funny words, thinking of ways to make you say "OH SHIT I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL!!" ...oh yeah, baby. That's the good stuff right there.
Crypt Shyfter: Photon's Fury artwork by @radibits
I want these games to be sheer entertainment, like the pulp fantasy novels of yesteryear; a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart; rip-roaring page-turning adventures that you just can't put down until the last Andraxxan has been slain and the current incarnation of the Star King has been destroyed.
I want you to hear the title of one of these adventures 5 years from now and fondly remember that time you banged Lord Hawk in his kinky BSDM dungeon cell, or the first time you ate a slice of pizza on Fuzonia, or that one time you betrayed all that is good and killed Rawhide and took over Irongate with Vortex and his evil crystal army.
Those are the moments I hope will stick with you- not whether you rolled a 6 or a 19 and took 3 points of damage. That stuff is interesting in D&D when you're throwing back a couple beers and rolling buckets of dice with your buddies on a Saturday night, but it totally kills the mood when you're blasting through a fun story on the internet.
Crypt Shyfter: Oathbreaker artwork by @lefvaid
Writing adventures this way may not always lead to hundreds of endings or tons of replayability, so I fully expect to take a lot of flack in the comment section of future games for that, but I can promise your first time through each new story will be a thrilling and breathtaking ride.
That may not sit well with some of you, but hey- I'm the one writing these things for a few hours each day so I gotta love what I'm doing or else things will get boring! I'll hate it, you'll hate it, we'll all hate it together.
Nah, we won't be able to hate it together. If I hate it I just won't write it.
And that doesn't do anybody any good! Well, maybe some of you would like me to stop. But if you're one of them you probably haven't read this sentence, unless your hatred is a weird obsessive stalker hatred where you MUST read everything I post while you secretly plot my death. Each post slowly grinding away at your insides as you mutter to yourself: soon.
But we don't have to worry about me hating writing Crypt Shyfter because I fucking love writing Crypt Shyfter, more than anything else except my wife and dog (and maybe pizza & wine), and with each game I post my excitement to work on the next one grows and grows by leaps and bounds. I have so many ideas and I just wanna share 'em all but I can't write fast enough!
Crypt Shyfter: Titanium Phantom artwork by @omenakettu
Exile is my favorite game of the series by a mile (well, maybe Colossus is my new favorite... the newest one always seems to be my current favorite) but it really feels like it's just the beginning.
Whether you stick with me until the end or you pop in and out as time goes on, I want to thank all of you for joining me on this crazy quest. There are over 240 hairy, oiled up barbarian savages following me on Newgrounds now, which is fucking insane because I had less than 38 at the start of 2017. I have the two best Patrons in the world, and there are currently 37 of you crazy square-jawed barbarian weirdos following along on the email list now and it seems like a few more of you show up every time I check, so if you're new, it's great to have you! And if you're an old pro, thanks for sticking around!
We're going to have a lot of fun together over these next few years ;)
Crypt Shyfter: Atomic Angel artwork by @phantomarcade
PS. If you wanna get more involved, here's how:
Step 1: Visit my website! You can check out all the cool artwork and learn more about Crypt Shyfter, as well as get sneak peeks at the upcoming adventures.
Step 2: Sign up for the Crypt Shyfter email! This is totally free and it'll get you into early access/beta tests for all future Crypt Shyfter games, as well as some random notes from me. I only send out emails when there's a new beta test or a new game is posted on Newgrounds, so you won't be getting spammed with offers to enlarge your penis every day.
Step 3: Become a Patron! Think of this as a monthly subscription service to your favorite barbarian. There are tons of goodies to be found here, including extra-early access to new games and works in progress, our secret Patreon-only feed, and lots of other behind-the-scenes goodies. Patrons get their names listed in the credits of all future Crypt Shyfter games so if you wanna be famous then that alone should be incentive to sign up. I mean, the Crypt Shyfter series just hit over 100,000 views this week... do you want 100,000 people to read your name (or your company's name) or not??